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Free Download Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing CLEAR, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries
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Product details
Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Harmony; 2 edition (June 18, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0770436595
ISBN-13: 978-0770436599
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.7 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
154 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#9,866 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I buy a lot of stuff on Amazon, but rarely review anything. I feel compelled to review this book because in a week, it has seriously changed my life. I have a 3.5-year-old who is very strong willed. She was making me (and the rest of my family miserable). Think constant power struggles, battles, testing limits, some yelling out of pure frustration on my part. This book gave me so much insight into what was going on -- both in terms of my responses to the limit testing, and what was going on with my child. I started implementing its suggestions, and I'm already seeing highly positive changes, both in my child and my reactions to the limit testing. I would highly recommend this book!
It's not unusual for me to read a book of this size in one or two settings. In the case of this 329 page labour, it took a couple of weeks. The reasons were that the author’s pen didn’t have the power to draw one in and (2) the messages could have been relayed in one or two chapters. There was an awful lot of rehash.The book centers on the strong willed child. The author, Robert MacKenzie, notes such a child -as most know- can cause turmoil in a peaceful home. Such a boy or girl can (also) place enormous strain upon a marriage. He informs us, like a sea of others do, that boundaries need to be set and (2) ineffective boundaries are responsible for much turmoil. Readers are told that ineffective boundaries are what creates much of the chaos.As most authors researching child behavior, he refers to temperament. He does not go into the various types of character eliciting certain outbursts. He doesn't touch ODD, IED or similar impairments. He does write that your approach should match your child's learning and temperament. A good point between the covers pertains to noncompliance and how the strong-willed child tests consequences.MacKenzie mentions what most parents of a strong-willed child already know. He touches angry power struggles; mainly, there will be hurtful vernacular, retaliations and rebellion. The strong willed child often exacerbates what he deems is his own power structure.Further, RM’s writing about the strong-willed child screaming, blaming others, threatening and intimidating, will hit home to many parents accustomed to such irregularities. The author wants his readership to understand that they cannot rely too heavily upon various verba. Action teaches better than words. Lessons often require a vast amount time for a strong willed child to gain experience about boundaries. That is an excellent key. It opens parental knowledge. It might grab attention, to facilitate the continuation of turning pages.MacKenzie wants his readership to understand they are entering new uncharted territory. He echoes that freedom without limits is anarchy (not democracy). Throughout his writings he emphasizes that pleading, reasoning and explaining are more often, than not, ineffective. His message is that compliance cannot be optional and that action assists learning experience. Eventually actions support learning without all the anger of strong emotion and explosions.Like most child psychologists he writes that children need encouragement. We learn parents have to discover the skills of their child in resolving problems. Responses will indicate levels of progress or failure. We read that eventually children can resolve problems on their own. Also, they can learn to take their parents words more seriously. Within these battles often there has to be cooling down periods. At the same time there has to be acknowledgments about cooperation and actual consequences.Mackenzie emphasizes that if children believe compliance is optional, results will not be beneficial. Bargaining has to be out of the question. Bargaining and bribes often result in threats and communicational sparring battles. Limitations cannot be arbitrary.Like many authors in his profession he gives examples. A fascinating section elicits that the goal for success is not merely positive measures, but teaching. In many ways, that's what we Polonians referred to as a zagatka (puzzel). Near the end of the book he refers to encouraging better behavior. In all probability, most normal parents have done such for years, without being told. It’s simply logical.I have been told the book is a bestseller. It’s written in simple terms, without any psychobabble.
I have read over a dozen parenting books and this is THE one. It is so straight forward, has no fluff and a ton of great examples that help us parents understand what we are doing efficiently or not so efficiently. It's not only a good resource for strong willed children but for all children to learn to have clear, firm boundaries. The first week of implementing these strategies with my 3 boys 4 and under, my middle child, the 2.5 year old "fence sitter" actually told me that I was a good mommy. I couldn't believe he actually appreciated my clear, firm boundaries but from his perspective it was probably a lot better than the emotional outbursts I had been prone to. He now proudly goes around reciting the clear limits like, "hitting is never okay." My strong willed child responds much more cooperatively to this than to any other strategy I have tried. Truly a fabulous resource that I plan to read every year going forward!
WOW! This text is really useful for learning how to better communicate with my spirited, sensitive child. Many great takeaways. I loved how respect-based the approach seems, while dealing with kids who are constantly testing. URGH. You just can't appreciate that until you have one of your own wearing down your spirit. This book helps a lot.
Saved my life; literally. I was spanking my 5 year old and yelling at him a lot. He was becoming more and more defiant and was hitting me and his sister. I managed to turn things around in about a month following this book. I am using it still and it really works. My son is turning 6 in a couple of weeks and rarely hits me or his sister now. He also hugs me more and listens to me more when I ask him to clean up, put his clothes away, do homework, etc. There is more respect in our household over-all. The 15 minute cooling down period for sibling rivalry is awesome!!! All I have to do now is say, "Do you guys need a 15 min cooling down period or can you guys work it out?"....they usually come to an agreement on their own.
I have read so many parenting books, trying to figure out how to handle my sometimes very difficult 8 yr old son. THIS IS THE PARENTING BIBLE!! seriously, I can't say enough good things about this book. It's a total game changer. Read it, you absolutely won't regret it.
I'm still reading this book, but I've already gained so much knowledge from it.It's a great tool for learning to have a mutually respectful relationship with my strong willed daughter. She is an "aggressive learner" and this book is giving me the tools to help me successfully handle it with patience and understanding. I'm so glad this book was recommended as I labelled her as difficult, but now I realize she just learns differently.
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